December 11, 2010
Who can tell me! I am in the end how to do that!
Sad, really sad, an error committed an extenuating, but fell twice in the same place it is stupid, but I go down step by step with an error close to, once again I struggled to retain her others are still under selection, cruel hurt me after I had vowed never again to retain any woman want to leave me, never! She left me a full two years in low self-esteem, loss of interest in everything, numbness of the face of all that happy day I have to wear a mask to deceive others, and do not want to let others see my decadent, and himself alone with the night lights of the street a daze, feeling so lonely, she's gone to my character the first time after the change of life, to make me numb, become more withdrawn! Friends say I changed, all I know, but then I was so enjoying the kind of feeling, which no one bothered, quiet life, but time is running out slowly, their lives become more quiet, peaceful people to tears, frightened people, many dream of the endless in a place where dazzling white, their headless flies like a general looking to find a little comfort in mind, but what are they looking for less than nothing, all in the surrounding space, the kind of vast expanse of endless fear, the kind of memories I still will not help, I will never forget the feeling! When she had just left or how much I hope not too much like before, she will come back, come back by my side, time passed, little by little, one month, two months, until the time I went to school in Jinan She did not come back, not even a phone call, and again at the door waiting, hope she can come out to me, I hope she can be moved, and again, regardless of wind and rain, from the beginning of the five hours slowly into four hours, three hours, and eventually the disappointment, the first time in my life so long to leave the city, when, how I hope she can come to see me, even if only simple friends of both hands, in my father sent me away before I secretly ran out, went to her house, went to the one I do not know that love is a ruthless person at the door, quietly, for half hours after I left, my heart really good hard to keep my family was worried that they only lie where secretly cry, which I have had so decadent home disappointed, angry, cruel father more than once hit me, but I do not blame my heart, but he is at home on my abuse, because this is the result I wanted, so I can cry in front of his family, how I usually like her mother's arms cried one, but I can not!
Came to a strange city of Jinan, I want a change in their own decadence, but friends told me she came to Jinan, and so she left me the man came to Jinan, still remember me and her together said when I went to Jinan to school, she would come with me, she go to work I go to school, how I was longing for, and now everything is turned into reality, but she is not all me, satire, ridicule of my heart, that moment my heart all kinds of tastes, feeling around people are laughing at me, laugh at my silly, laugh at my innocence, my inability to laugh at that moment, I deeply felt helpless, good No one would like to find a good place to cry very much love once, I did not, I leave all buried in the heart. Which, I still deceive ourselves, lying to myself saying that just a friend to let me forget her and that's a lie, and again called her again and again disappointed, one, two, I finally could not because of her back, a friend told me that she had engaged with others, when I was silent for a long time and then I laughed, and laughter is so bitter, how I was before the stupid ah, for a woman and abandon their silly waited two years, waiting eagerly for two years until after the start hard start complaining! I am so incompetent, how useless the life out of me again and again to mature, every day smiling, but no one knows what is behind the smile! I changed! Really changed, not only is a friend find that, even my own find, and instantly transform the character of the two extremes of the changes that I was almost to the brink of mental collapse, but fortunately I did, I did make it .
Time bit by bit later, in a short period of time girlfriend I changed more than once, the shortest one week, the longest 3 months, I do not care attitude to living, again outside of my school work A few months later I went back to his hometown, his family and then I test the driver's license out of work, I did not refuse, but I was breaking the quiet life, I met her, she had learned from a friend that already The man broke up, then I hard surprised how they have been engaged, broke up? I was not happy heart, not gloat, but rather a deep pity, and other people living outside the two years, and has been engaged to someone else ends up being abandoned, how much pain she suffered, how many the baseless rumor, so take pity on my mind all disappear without a trace of resentment, I decided to forget the past, all in all, as have been passed, and I can not bear to go for her cynical, because now and then she, like me, her mood is not better than I did, so I decided not to let the memory of past haunt me.
Time slipped away bit by bit, people are boring, lonely autumn passed and winter cold start roaring to everyone, one night I got her information, the content of information requirements and the good turned out to be her that just lost treasure, and now she wants to ask my forgiveness, requires the ability to start, see this message after I shocked, but my mind was the same as the choppy sea under the storm, thinking of the day, I finally chose re-accept her, hope she can really like, like what she said have learned to cherish, and I thought, after all, still has feelings for her, but the process is not the same as I would like to, we fight, the reason is because I log and some pictures of space, which is my favorite one to another, lost contact with years of childhood friends, childhood ignorant of love, but I know we can not, after all, enough time to forget all the years in all, But on my good childhood friend, remember I have been also been retained childhood love for the kind of muddle, but I know not, the photos just to commemorate the space only, but it has become We are the fuse, and after being noisy and off several times, this time as these photos finally broke, and now I am weak, I do not know how to do it. Is to choose to terminate immediately the feelings of this section should not happen, or to continue! I really do not want to end immediately, the feelings of my heart, after all, can not let go, afraid to continue what had happen a second time, choose! Why choose me every time! Why! Who can tell me how to do it! ! !
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